Fatal Flaw

It was a quarter past one.
I carefully lay down the book, closing it, on the chair beside my bed. I was tired, but not ready to sleep yet... My mind was buzzing with thoughts...
So naive, this hero, isn't he? Always thinking of saving his friends... but that was his fatal flaw, the one that would eventually either save him or ruin him...
I thought of my nails, admiring my -several month's worth- work; They were very long now... My dad wondered how could I play like this, but it was no problem... he said that he wouldn't pay for piano lessons, that it didn't matter anyway because I'm "allergic to criticism"... That I don't like being told what to do...
But the latter isn't true, I thought, I don't mind too much being told what to do... I just don't like being fixed, being told I'm wrong...
My thoughts wondered back to flaws. What's mine, I pondered, as I've been pondering for a while now... What's my flaw? Is it Hubris?
It is, I realized. I'm too proud. Proud of what I am... Too proud to admit that I could be wrong. At least, at least in front of other people... People that matter... In situations that matter...
What does this help me with, though? I suddenly asked myself. How does this matter?
It was a quarter past one.
I rolled over, and rolled over again. I thought I saw light- lightning- and jumped, but it was nothing. And slowly, full of many thoughts, I fell asleep...

Change

Give me the power to change myself.
That's all I ask.

I Don't Know Who You Are

I don't know who you are. That girl in the mirror. Yes, you. I don't know who you are.
Suddenly you've started laughing. That's the major change. That smile- Yes, that one- is allways there, not fading away even when you cry. It's in your eyes, your heart.
You've started losing weight. You're much skinnier, and it shows. Your hair is nurtured and full of life, and you don't just put it in a ponytail anymore.
You've grown taller. With character, that is, though your body HAS streched out more, along with the rest of your body. You've stopped slouching, and you're prouder of yourself, everything you've accomplished in just a short year.
Your face doesn't have any of those zits, because all that stress is gone. You're calm, but you get things done usually. You're trust worthy. You love yourself and are complete with all your flaws, doesn't matter how much they irritate you.
I think I know who you are. You're who you were allways ment to be.

The Dog

There was darkness. A noise, followed by a light, and another noise that came with more light.
And there was light again.
This time it was snaller and more focused` she couldn't leave the door open. Someone might see her.
not to metion that the light from outside wouldn't be sufficiant, probably. But she was used to low-light conditions, so it didn't matter. Just a waste of thought.
This small light lit up the room. You could see everything, from the messy floor to the messy desk she was standing next to. But there was one cornor that was still sarrounded by shadows.
It- actually, they, she thaught- were kind of her pet; an experement gone wrong just right. She talked to them, not sure if they understood; but even if they did, she never got an answer from them. But then again, a dog doesn't respond to his master. It just does as it's told.
She bagan orginizing her stuff on the only empty space. If a dog does it, why should her pet do otherwise?
All of what she had thought till now was about to change. And she was going to be punished severly for those thoughts. For thinking she could ever own them.
Because the truth was, it was the very opposite.
And she was the dog.
-
I just want to leave room for sighing.

Hurts.

I know that what I did was wrong. God damn it, I came and apologized! I hate apologizing!

And you said that I said that… you twisted it totally! I know that I can be mean, very mean. But I also know where I stop, and that is definitely not what I said!!!

And you know, maybe sometimes I'm way to much mean. Maybe it's because so much time the world got a chance to be mean to me and now I'm mean to the world. Maybe it's just me. But it hurts, you know? Every time you shout about those little things that are so dumb, every time I make a mistake and nobody takes the time to listen and let me explain. It hurts.

I know that I sometimes disrespect the people whom I care about the most. I don't know why! I wish I did, and I cry when I think about every thing I must've done to people, but I don't know why I do it, and it just comes and goes! And that’s what hurts the most.

And I'm crying now, 'cause I just realized every thing I've done.

Lets go.

WHAT ever you want, sir," said the face in the mirror. "You want a slave? Yes sir. Of course, sir."
How would that face be able to last in the next few days? Not to mention the months and years ahead.
"Ok." Deep breath. "Let's go."

In The Middle

He shoutes, She laughs, and I calm them down.

He looks, She closes her eyes, and I ask them to forgive.

He sings, She screams, and I can't listen anymore.

He fights, She makes fists, and I'm trying to keep you apart.

YOU TWO ARE THE SAME

and I'm the middle.

Full of Questions. No Answers.

I'm afriad.

Who am I? Why am I like this? Does this mean I'm a freak?

I'm not gonna listen to anybody.(lalalalalalalalalalalala.) You have NO IDEA what I'm going through.

And I'm afraid.

And I'm alone.

What does this mean about me? What I do?

Am I one of THEM? It sounds so wierd, but it's a real question. And I can't seem to answer it.

And I'm so alone.

I don't know myself anymore. I've grown to be an odd person, and I'm proud of that- I don't want to be normal. But this... this is TO MUCH. I want to be able to be part of the mainstream to. Not to be insignificant, but to be able to BE insignificant if I wanted to. To be just part of the crowd sometimed. Not to always be onstage, the center of everything.

And God, I'm so afraid.

I'm so alone. so, so, SO alone.

It's scaring the hell out of me.

My mouth tastes like orange. That fruit that I love so much.

What to I love? What am I atrracted to?

And I'm alone again.

Broken, shattered,

I'M ALONE. So freaking alone.

I wish you'd see the pain in my eyes, and that you'd see the surprise, and that you'd see the tears that never fell down

I wish you'd see the pain in my eyes, and that you'd see the surprise, and that you'd know how deep I was buried in the ground / see, By Me

About my brother

I know my brother. If anybody else says other ways, he's lying.

Sometimes I think I know him to well.

I know him so well I can tell when he's lying. I know him so well that with some things I know him better than I know myself. Yet, I'm not part of his life. And he doesn't know if he loves me.

Isn't it crazy? My own brother doesn't know if he loves me.

We have a lot in common. We're both self centered. We both play music. But I think that a lot of what he does he does only to make our dad proud. I don't think he connects with the music, the way I do when I write. My dad thinks that he breaths music, but then our dad is sometimes simply blind.

I hurt. He will help me in time of need, but will he know why?
-Me
All my life I've been good but now I'm thinking What The Hell(Avril Lavigne, "what the hell")

Growing Up

I don’t know when I realized I grew up. It could have been yesterday; Maybe last month; Possibly 2 years ago. But when I grew up, I cried.

Every kid wants to grow up. Why is beyond me now; I wish I had stayed small and innocent. But it is a fact- every kid wants to grow up.

Do you relize what exactly are they dreaming about? they’re reaming about sadness, and death, and crualty, and total lack of innocence. They’re dreaming about a hard day’s work and a short night sleep. They’re dreaming about so many tears.

When I grew up, I cried.

Because the day I grew up, was the first day someone hurt me, and I relized why. The first day I knew why peaple where hurting me, constantly, with no mercy.

And that day- that day, i realized, growing up is PAIN.

-

I don’t realy like my life/Wish that I could cut it, and ditch it/I don’t realy like my life/Wish I could cut away the parts that I don’t like/If only I had a KNIFE(If Only I Had a Knife, by me)

Have a wonderfull day, and “Never grow up”(Taylor Swift)